Dying young is looking pretty good to me

I wasn't looking for the fountain of youth, but I found it the other day at a nail salon* in a Studio City mini mall. The woman next to me, it turned out, was 105 years old. She looked amazing, and it was not just the beautiful new coat of red polish, either. We had to know how on earth she did it**. Her secrets?

As relayed cheerfully by the woman and her daughter:

1. Treat yourself like a queen. Every single week of her life, she got her hair and nails done. She wore gorgeous clothes and jewelry, and her make-up was impeccable. Looking good was her number one priority.
2. Never lift a finger to help others. Instead, this woman made sure that those around her (children, various men, etc.) catered to her every need and spoiled her rotten.
3. Be super mean. According to her daughter***, she was a witch to her kids when they were growing up, and had recently locked her great grandchildren in a closet.
4. Get yourself a younger man. She had just dumped her 90 year old live in boyfriend because, "he was too much trouble." She is now in the market for someone in his 80's.

Suddenly, she didn't look so fabulous. Who wants to be 105 anyway?

* Yes, this is firsthand information. I was actually in said nail salon on purpose, sitting in a big cushy leather chair with my feet in a swirling tub of warm silky water awaiting some kind of salt scrub. And, heaven help me, I liked it.
** I was hoping it involved a lot of bacon and red wine. I was wrong.
*** An unbelievably patient and tolerant cancer survivor getting a set of acrylics for herself.