Extraction Pains

"They've got to come out."

"Putting it off will only make things worse."

"It's not healthy in the long run to keep them."

"They desperately need space."

"It's time."

The dentist was talking about my son's wisdom teeth.

I was thinking about leaving my daughter on a curb at JFK airport with bulging duffle bag and a ticket to Africa.

He got ice packs and meds for his extraction pain.



I got to come home* and make milkshakes for both of us.

His recovery is going great, especially now that the freezer is fully stocked with ice cream**.

Me?
I'm still poking at the hole that was left behind***.

Carpool Wars: Cease Fire!

WE INTERRUPT OUR NORMALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

Anchor:  There has been a startling development in the long-running South of the Boulevard Carpool War hostilities.  For more details, we go live to our reporter on the ground.  Are you there?

Field Reporter:  Indeed, I'm here in Encino, where we have learned that a cease fire has been declared by the warring Carpool Moms.  The impetus for this radical shift in the tenor of the dispute was, I am told by my sources, bacon.

Anchor:  Would that be Kevin Bacon? I had heard that both John Kerry and Hillary Clinton have Bacon Numbers of 2 . Given his relatively close connection to those diplomats, is it possible he was involved?

Reporter:  They are not ruling that out, but for the moment, it appears that regular, smoked bacon is responsible.



Anchor:  Can you give us some background here?  How did things reach this critical juncture?

Reporter:  If you will recall, during the most recent skirmish over the braising title, the combatants vowed to take up their oven mitts again, waistlines and livers be damned. Ensnared by the spatula-wielding women and the promise of yet another outstanding meal, innocent children and husbands chose to remain in the thick of the conflict as well. It certainly seemed that there was no end in sight to this dire situation.  In fact, the stakes were raised even higher when it was suggested by a bystander that the next confrontation be focused, not on a particular dish, like bolognese, steak, or tacos, the type of meal, or even a proscribed preparation method, but on just one, single ingredient.  That ingredient? Bacon.

Anchor:   There is precedent for this on the Food Network, I believe, but that battle is massively edited for television, and they have trained staff with them in the arena. These brave women probably had no idea of the danger they were setting themselves up for.

Reporter:  That's exactly right. The whole plan was fraught with peril.  But, as we know, bacon does exert an uncanny power over the human brain.  Experts now believe that just the idea of a bacon-based meal somehow created a unity of purpose in the minds of these former enemies. Instead of pitting their bacon creations against each other, in an unprecedented step, they agreed to collaborate on the dinner.

Anchor: What about the coveted "taste" prize? This is one of the most divisive issues of the whole campaign, is it not?

Reporter:  Stunningly, that was thrown out completely. There was no vote. I repeat, there was no vote, rigged or otherwise. They just happily stuffed themselves and went home.  I spoke with one of the diners on condition of anonymity, and she said it was a tremendous relief not to feel disloyal for voting against her mother, and also that the bacon potato things were really good. Apparently, the new mantra here at Carpool headquarters is, "Everybody wins when dinner is full of bacon."

Anchor:  Incredible. How long can this cease fire possibly hold?

Reporter:  I have it on good authority that Carpool Wars, as we know it, is no more, but that we can expect many more Carpool Truce dinners in the months and years to come.

Anchor:  I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Phew." Thank you.  We'll be following this story closely, very closely, in case they have leftovers, and will bring you updates as we have them.

THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.



Carpool Wars:  The Bacon Accords

We did, indeed, come together and lay our Le Crueset cookware down for greater glory of an entire meal honoring bacon.  It was a moment for the ages.

The appetizer course was Christy D.'s drool-worthy and addictive Bacon Wrapped Potato Bites with Spicy Sour Cream Dip.  Recipe from The Kitchn.

Christy F.'s tender, smoky bacon-braised chicken dish.   Find the recipe from Fine Cooking here.

Christy D's spectacular BLT salad with Feta, Candied Bacon and Cherry Tomatoes. 

My Mac & Cheese with Bacon, after two teenagers had been through and helped themselves.  

And yes, there was bacon dessert.

Maple Bacon Sugar Cookies 

And the over-the-top Vanilla Ice Cream Sundaes with Pecan Bacon Crunch* and Fleur de Sel Caramel Sauce.

Peace out.

Nothing Cookie Cutter About It

I was an Industrial Engineering major* in college.  In a nutshell, we're all about process.  We break down tasks, analyze steps, and figure out the most efficient way to consistently produce things.

If this is still too abstract, think IKEA**.

The last one is from If Ikea made instructions for everything on CollegeHumor.com. 

Unfortunately, when it comes to kids, there's no black and white, cookie cutter manual. 

1. 

3. 

4. 

17. (!!!)

There's nothing useful in the box, and customer service is zero help.

But I do have an optimized process for these. 

 Hint: involves cookie cutters.

Worst Supporting Freezer Nominee

Tonight, when other people in this town are gliding down the red carpet in Dolce & Gabbana, dripping with Fred Leighton jewels amid the frenzied screams of paparazzi and the glare of the spotlights, I will be lying on the floor of my kitchen with a blow dryer and an ice pick in a vain attempt to resuscitate my Sub Zero refrigerator from hell.  

I can't even make a good drinking game out this.  Why?

Because I HAVE NO F@%#ING ICE to put in the F@%#ING DRINKS!!!

Is it possible for an appliance to be a drama queen, because if so, this...this...overpriced, over-rated, over-the-hill diva has just frigging NAILED it.
Bring on the golden eunuch.
It wins.

Don't feel sorry for her.  I'm the victim here.  My shelves are groaning with all the leftovers and Trader Joe's crap and sausage meat and frozen corn (six packages of frozen corn, really?!?)  that no one in this house will ever eat.  How am I supposed to circulate air when there is literally not an inch of open space anywhere? It is my fault that my coil has completely frozen over from neglect?  Why doesn't she get a competent repairman in here, or just put me out of my misery and replace me already? Go ahead, ask her. You'll see. 

What's that?  Why don't I just get a new fridge, like my husband so generously offered as a Christmas gift after the last incident?

Um.

Because I thought that if we had to replace the fridge anyway, we might as well tear down a few walls and remodel the kitchen while we were at it.

So I have to interview a few architects first.

Craziest wife in a lead role. 
Bring on the golden eunuch. 
She wins.*
And somebody better get that ice pick away from her.

If you happen to have a functional freezer, and can grab a few amazing Cara Cara oranges from Trader Joe's** or your local market, I'd highly recommend making this.  These oranges are a gorgeous blush pink inside, and are extra sweet with a hint of berry flavor.  I've made marvelous mimosas with them, but love this sorbet even more.  It's bursting with orange flavor and the addition of ginger and mint gives it that little hint of elegance that a special evening like this deserves.

For most people.  I'll be having something made with defrosted corn.

Fact Checking

In this election season where fact checkers are having a field day*, I felt it was my patriotic duty to get to the bottom of yet another crazy rumor being perpetrated by the blogosphere.

I mean really.  Making ice cream out of a banana?  Lies, lies, lies!



Turns out, though, that this one is actually true.

Domo Arigato, Lomo Saltado*

On the one hand, it's pretty disappointing that an absurdly expensive private high school would stoop to re-using curriculum.

On the other hand, I love this assignment.

Now that we are in Spanish 3, it was instructive to note that at least one of us has matured substantially since the fabled Cuban Dinner Crisis of Spanish 2. 

He chose the dish he wanted to make, before I even had a chance to give him some of my ideas all by himself ahead of time*.  I stayed out of his way until I couldn't help myself and grabbed the knife before he lost a finger he asked me for help. The dinner was delicious, the dessert was even better, and he did all the dishes and cleaned up the whole kitchen except for the half-empty Vitamin Water bottle that was left on the coffee table that he said was his sister's from before and therefore was not his problem afterward.

I gave him an A+ anyway.

 

The best part of the kiddie table

There was one good thing about being at the kiddie table at our Thanksgiving dinners when I was little:

The sparkling apple cider.

It came in real grown up wine glasses.  We'd make snooty faces and toast each other while holding up our little pinkies, then sip at the delicious bubbly stuff and giggle.  It was fancy in a glass.  So of course, I carried the tradition on for our holidays.  We don't have a kiddie table, at least not officially, but we do have the crystal stemware filled with what my kids reverently call the sparkly apple cider.

I like that name even better.  Very festive.

Now, when it's August, and there are no official, formal, holidays to celebrate, you can still get that special occasion feeling.   All you need is sparkly apple cider.  And an ice cream machine.

Sparkly Cider Sorbet

This qualifies for Shortcut Week in two ways.  First, you basically just need a bottle opener and an ice cream machine (OK, not everybody has that, but if you do...).  No cooking!  And second, you get to skip a bunch of months and go right to Thanksgiving, just for a minute.  The sorbet is sweet and tangy and absolutely refreshing, still a tiny bit carbonated, and brings the fall flavor of apples to a dessert made for hot summer nights. 

1 bottle sparkling apple cider, chilled

1/2 c. simple syrup*

juice of 1 large lemon 

a splash of Calvados liquor, optional

pinch of salt

Combine all ingredients, then process in an ice cream maker as directed. If you serve right away**, the sorbet will be soft and the tiniest bit slushy.  We like ours like that.  We also like this with all the varieties of sparkly ciders***.   

Click to print this recipe!

* Equal parts water and sugar, boiled together for a few minutes and then cooled.  If this sentence is giving you deja vu, it should.  I used it in the footnote to the post on the remarkably similar and equally festive Sangria Sorbet.  Of the two, my kids vastly prefer this one.
** You should definitely get out some pretty glasses, and add on a mint sprig, if you have one. That's the fancy way to go.
*** Apple-Grape, anyone?

My Old School

On Friday, my daughter graduated
From sixth grade.
The kids were all dressed up.
Pearls from an absent Grandma,
Hair just so.
Glimpses of the children they were
Hints of the adults they will become.
They looked beautiful and nervous.
Radiant.
Full of excitement,
Of love for each other,
For this joyous place where they grew up.
There were songs, a minuet, and a really nice speech.
Inside jokes.
Outbursts of laughter.

Many, many boxes of kleenex.
Names called to rousing cheers.
Tearful embraces with their teachers.
A flower.
Colorful dragons on the diplomas.

Photos.
Photos.
Photos.
Just a couple more photos.

A last clinging hug.
The gate behind us.
Just like that.
We're never going back
To our old school.

For her, this will someday recede.
She'll conquer high school and college.
Get a job.  Have a wedding.
Bear a child who will, before she knows it, graduate from sixth grade.
Emotions will run high and wild every time.
That's what rites of passage are all about*.

I loved every minute of this one.

Graduation Sangria
One of the many libations we emotionally exhausted parents took comfort from at the evening graduation celebration**.

Sangria Base:
2 bottles cheap, but not horrible, red wine***
3/4 c. freshly squeezed orange juice, strained
1/3 - 1/2 c. simple syrup**** or super-fine sugar
1 heaping tsp. cinnamon
generous splash of Cointreau or Grand Marnier
generous splash of very good Cognac

Finishing Touches:
About 2 cups of mixed fresh berries
About 2 c. 7-Up

Combine wine and orange juice in a large bowl.  In a small bowl, combine sugar or simple syrup and cinnamon, then add that mixture to the wine.  Splash in the good stuff.   Stir, and taste.  Since you'll be adding 7-Up and fruit later, it should be a bit more intense and slightly less sweet than you'd expect the final version to be, but the flavor should be in the general area of greatness.  If not serving immediately, transfer to an airtight container and keep in the fridge.

Just before serving, add the fresh fruit and 7-Up, using as much soda as you like to lighten it up for your guests.  Don't add ice to the sangria itself, or it will get diluted quickly.  Instead, add ice to the glasses and pour the sangria over, making sure to include some fruit in each serving.

Bonus! Sangria Sorbet
I made this up on a whim.  Wow!  So happy I did.  Because flavors get less intense when they are cold, adding some additional OJ, simple syrup and 7-Up helps maintain the sangria taste when you turn it into sorbet.  The additional sugar also helps the mixture freeze better, counteracting the anti-freezing properties of the wine.

3 c. sangria base
1/4 c. fresh orange juice
1/2 c. simple syrup
1/2 c. 7-Up

Combine all ingredients, then process according to your ice cream maker's instructions.   Serve with fresh berries.

Click to Print these recipes!

* Also the swag. This particular rite of passage was nice because it came with t-shirts and a cool hat.
** Here's the recipe for the even more popular drink, straight tequila:  Buy something expensive.  Pour.
*** This recipe is perfect for Trader Joe's Two-buck Chuck.  Go for the cab.
**** Equal parts water and sugar, boiled together for a few minutes and then cooled.   A great way to sweeten cocktails, because it doesn't leave any "grit" from the sugar in the drinks.