Sunday, February 24, 2013

Worst Supporting Freezer Nominee

Tonight, when other people in this town are gliding down the red carpet in Dolce & Gabbana, dripping with Fred Leighton jewels amid the frenzied screams of paparazzi and the glare of the spotlights, I will be lying on the floor of my kitchen with a blow dryer and an ice pick in a vain attempt to resuscitate my Sub Zero refrigerator from hell.  

I can't even make a good drinking game out this.  Why?

Because I HAVE NO F@%#ING ICE to put in the F@%#ING DRINKS!!!

Is it possible for an appliance to be a drama queen, because if so, this...this...overpriced, over-rated, over-the-hill diva has just frigging NAILED it.
Bring on the golden eunuch.
It wins.

Don't feel sorry for her.  I'm the victim here.  My shelves are groaning with all the leftovers and Trader Joe's crap and sausage meat and frozen corn (six packages of frozen corn, really?!?)  that no one in this house will ever eat.  How am I supposed to circulate air when there is literally not an inch of open space anywhere? It is my fault that my coil has completely frozen over from neglect?  Why doesn't she get a competent repairman in here, or just put me out of my misery and replace me already? Go ahead, ask her. You'll see. 

What's that?  Why don't I just get a new fridge, like my husband so generously offered as a Christmas gift after the last incident?


Because I thought that if we had to replace the fridge anyway, we might as well tear down a few walls and remodel the kitchen while we were at it.

So I have to interview a few architects first.

Craziest wife in a lead role. 
Bring on the golden eunuch. 
She wins.*
And somebody better get that ice pick away from her.

If you happen to have a functional freezer, and can grab a few amazing Cara Cara oranges from Trader Joe's** or your local market, I'd highly recommend making this.  These oranges are a gorgeous blush pink inside, and are extra sweet with a hint of berry flavor.  I've made marvelous mimosas with them, but love this sorbet even more.  It's bursting with orange flavor and the addition of ginger and mint gives it that little hint of elegance that a special evening like this deserves.

For most people.  I'll be having something made with defrosted corn.

Cara Cara Orange Sorbet

by Sharon Graves
Prep Time: 25 minutes, plus chilling time
Cook Time: 30 minutes in the ice cream machine
  • 6-8 ripe Cara Cara oranges (enough to make 2 1/2 c. juice)
  • 1/2 c. mint simple syrup (see below)
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 3 Tbs. ginger liquor, optional, but highly recommended

Combine orange juice, mint simple syrup, lime juice and ginger liquor, if using, in a pitcher. Stir to combine, then chill for at least an hour.

Process in an ice cream machine according to instructions. Serve right away as a soft treat, or freeze (ha!) for several hours to create a scoopable sorbet.

What this sorbet looked like after "several hours" in my loser freezer.  Nuff said.

To make mint simple syrup:
Boil 1 c. sugar and 1 c. water together for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and add a good handful of mint leaves. Allow to steep until cooled, then strain and discard mint leaves. Save what you don't use in this recipe for a nice mojito!

* With a tip of the hat to a favorite recent read, Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn.  Loved it!
** Speaking of Trader Joe's, this post is hilarious.

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