Sunday, May 12, 2013

Cheesy Pennies Exposed: A penny's worth of thoughts from a son, whose opinion cannot be stifled any longer.

For the first time in this blog’s history the person writing this message is not Sharon Graves. Today, in honor of Mother’s day, I, Jasper Pike, have decided to write a guest post on Cheesy Pennies to pay homage to my mom’s favorite pastime. 

Before I begin I have get this off my chest, the insight you have been getting from this publication* has been very one sided. Every conversation, every embarrassing childhood story, every foodie girl outing has been told from one viewpoint and that’s it. I am here to solve this tragedy. For those of you questioning the use of a harsh word like tragedy, try to imagine politics only being covered by FOX news. I’ll give you a second to think about it.

Now, you’re probably thinking something along the lines of “Best season of The Daily Show ever,” right? Wrong, well no, that may in fact be the case, but the beauty of media and journalism is that we get to see every side of any issue we care about. If a person really wanted to they could research the arguments for and against combining Vanilla and Chocolate soft serve ice cream into a swirl.** But what if you wanted an opposing viewpoint on my Mom’s post about me getting my drivers license? It would’ve been unavailable, because it doesn't exist. I am writing to end my mother’s Kim Jong Un-esque monopolization of journalistic freedom within the Pike household.

Now that is taken care of, lets go through a basic post on Cheesy Pennies.

She usually starts with a story, probably involving a member of the family or a friend that lead her to think:

“Boy, my Facebook friends sure need to spend 10 minutes reading this story” or something along those lines, I don’t know exactly what she’s thinking, I’m not a psychic after all.

She adds jokes a lot of the time, usually the jokes are at the expense of her or other members of my family. The jokes at her own expense are often harmless; she pokes fun at her age, her stubbornness, and other things of that nature. The most important thing is that my mom usually comes out of the story unscathed, in other words the reader’s opinion of her stays the same or gets better after finishing the story. On the other hand, after reading multiple posts you could be inclined to think that my sister and I are rambling idiots who talk about our grandmothers ashes being spread on the freeway. Even though most of you know my family pretty well, I am going to give you a quick intro to my family, from my point of view.
The Family: Mom is the short one in the middle
My family is very unique, we tend to be very light-hearted around each other. We poke fun at my sister’s habit of saying “guys” when she's only talking to one other person, or how I may or may not have hit a curb on my first driving test. My sister and I sometimes get to respond, but oftentimes we are silenced and the joking is left to the parents, for better or worse. I could go on, but family isn't the point of mother's day, satire is!

Okay, so that’s the family story time part of the blog. From what I understand the next section ties the story to the recipe at the end. Now, I don’t claim to be any sort of culinary expert, but I can make a really good Trader Joe’s Frozen Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken.

Now, because my Mom is such a magnificent cook I often get asked if I have inherited the talent. The conversation goes a little like this,

Friend - I read your mom’s food blog last night, she must be an amazing chef you’re so lucky.
Me (Awkwardly looking at something that is not the person talking to me) – Yeah, she’s really great
Friend – So can you cook like your mom can?
Me – Yeah, I think I’m a pretty good cook
Friend – So what do you make?
Me – You know, grilled cheese, quesadilla, any kind of frozen meal. I mean, I'm a master at following those instructions.

So yeah, I’m basically destined to be the next Chopped Champion.

This leads me to the recipe I’ve decided to share with you today. Its called plain pasta, and you’re going to love my unoriginal, blank, and most importantly edible take on the meal.

So here’s what you do...

The most important part is making sure you put the timer to the exact time the box says, and not to take it out of the pot a second before or after the timer rings. If you do make the mistake of questioning the all-knowing instructions on the box, the pasta will not have reached its desired state.

Now, I know you guys are used to lots of pretty pictures of food and finished plates, but I greatly despise those shots. My reasoning is something I think all people can understand. Imagine this:

I’m sitting down at my desk doing some homework*** when my parents call me up for dinner, hungry and excited I run up to the kitchen ready to eat. I pour myself a drink, wash my hands and sit down at the table. This is where the injustice occurs, I pick up a spoon and just as I start to scoop up some of the food on the table I hear a loud “No!” from across the kitchen. I turn and its my mom, she explains that she needs to take pictures of the food “for the blog” before I can satisfy my hunger. So, hungry and frustrated I sit and wait while my Mom tries out different zooms, angles and lighting just so she can get the perfect picture for her post. Only after the impromptu photoshoot is complete, can I begin serving myself.

Although this post as been more mocking than appreciative****, I just want to take this final paragraph to truly say how much I love my Mom. She is my driver, my bank account, and my personal chef, and she doesn’t even get paid for all that work. My mom, most importantly, has helped me through this devastating Clipper playoff defeat. Seriously Clippers, just fire Del Negro already, I mean…

But back to my point, I will always be grateful for all the things she does for me and my family, even if she keeps me from eating for a few minutes.

*I use the term publication very loosely, Cheesy Pennies should in no way be compared to actual publications such as the New York Times, LA Times, heck even The Piper, Campbell Hall's newspaper that I am proud to work on.
**PRO-Its two ice creams swirled into one, what could be better?
CON-If overkill does exist, swirling two flavors of ice cream into one is probably a textbook example.
***Read: Watching Netflix
****Don’t get me started on how much Mother’s day is severely lacking in mocking.

1 comment:

  1. Note to self: Do not leave laptop open and logged in while you go take a shower. :)