Why there's not a good support group for my problem

Me:  Hi. I'm Sharon, and I'm a bake-aholic.
Crowd: Hi, Sharon. Ooh! Did you make the challah*?

Me:  I've started buying flour and sugar in the 10 lb. bags.  The 5 lb size just doesn't do it for me any more, you know? I go through it too fast. There are three bottles of vanilla paste in the pantry.  I'm buying it online now**, and intercepting the packages before my husband gets home.  Don't you see? I'm out of control.  Something is very wrong here!
My Sponsor:  I brought my tupperware.  Is it OK if I take a few of those little pecan things home?

My husband: All she does is make cookies and pies. She doesn't even need, like, a reason.  It's just insane. The other day, she made a tart out of leftover cranberry sauce, for God's sake.  That can't be normal.  Plus, she's dealing now.  To her friends.  I'm not kidding.  They took a holiday baking class*** from her, and then went home with sugar cookie dough.  These women have kids, man!  This is some crazy s*&!#!!  I love her. But I can't stop her. I'm afraid my wife is becoming a menace to herself and others.
The Police:  Can we be adopted and come to your house?

I like my fruit tart

Ever since I was a kid, I've liked my fruit tart.  As in really super sour.

There we would be, in front of a pile of fresh apricots at the market.   "Apricots!!  My favorite*!!" I would say, squirming in anticipation. My mom would select a handful, carefully choosing the best of the bunch.  The flesh would be a magnificent orange color, soft and just barely fuzzy.  There was enough give to the touch to know the stone pit was slightly loose, and you could tell by the smell alone that the inside would be juicy and sweet and perfectly ripe.  She knew how to pick fruit, my mom did, and she was passing this important knowledge down to her daughter.  "Try this," she'd say.

I'd wrinkle up my whole face and frown. "Mom! You know better!"

Mom would sigh and start picking through the pile again, this time looking for the ones that were hard as rocks. Still orange, so they tasted like an apricot, but with none of that sun-kissed lush sweetness so beloved by normal people.  "It is hard to find the good ones," I'd say happily, falling in right beside her and reaching for an acidic little nugget.  "Yes, it is," she'd agree.  Eventually she'd just hand me the bag and move on to get lettuce for the guinea pigs**.

Ditto with the the nectarines. And the plums. Especially the plums.  If I didn't hear a satisfying, apple-like crunch and feel my entire mouth pucker up when I bit into a piece of stone fruit, I was sorely disappointed  On the other hand, eating a crispy, tart, nearly-but-not-actually ripe peach could (and still does) make my day, and I ate myself silly every summer.

The whole family eventually started to get into the swing of things.  My little sister would run up to me with a pear,  "Try this one! It feels like metal!"  My mom waited almost eagerly for my stomach to sieze up from all of the acid (which it did, regularly) so she could say, "I told you so!" But my dad, god love him, actually ate that sour fruit right along with me.

He likes his tart, too.

Fresh Stone Fruit Tart
I made this with some gorgeous pluots I got at the farmers' market.  The original recipe (from Ina Garten) used plums, and I bet subbing in peaches or nectarines would be fantastic, too.  However you go on the fruit side of things, the tart part could not be easier.  The dough forms a rich shortbread cookie crust and a delectable buttery topping at the same time, and the fruit in between is straight up summertime.  This is a great way to use up that icky ripe, very flavorful, sweet fruit.  Save the nice, crunchy sour fruit to eat while you're waiting for this to bake.

2 1/2 c., plus 2 Tbs., flour
1 c. finely chopped pecans
1 c. brown sugar, packed
1 c. (2 sticks) butter, diced
1 egg yolk
1 tsp. vanilla
2 lbs. plums, pluots, nectarines or apricots, sliced into small wedges
About 1/3 c. sugar, depending on the sweetness of your fruit
Splash of almond extract

Combine flour, pecans, and brown sugar in the bowl of a food processor, and run for about 30 seconds to make sure ingredients are well blended and the nuts are finely chopped.  Add butter and pulse until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.  Add egg yolk and vanilla, and process until ingredients come together and the mixture looks similar to cookie dough.

Pre heat oven to 375.  Press 1 1/2 c. of the dough over the bottom and sides of a 9 inch tart pan with removable sides.  Refrigerate for at least an hour, or place into the freezer for a few minutes.  

In a medium sized bowl, combine the fruit with the sugar and almond extract.  Allow to sit for 15 minutes or so. Working in concentric circles, arrange fruit in a pattern on the tart shell.   Crumble the remaining dough on top.

Bake for 10 minutes, then lower the oven temperature to 325.  Bake for an additional 25-35 minutes, or until topping is deep golden brown and you can see some of the fruit juices bubbling up from the tart.

Cool for a few minutes, then carefully remove sides from tart pan and place tart on a flat plate.  Serve warm or at room temperature.  Amazing with vanilla ice cream or fresh whipped cream***.

Click to print this recipe!

* My favorite at that specific moment in time.  The day before I would have inhaled a couple of pounds of fresh cherries, swearing eternal allegiance, and five minutes after the apricot incident I'd go on and on about a particularly great batch of blueberries I'd found.
** Who are, pretty much, the opposite of picky.  The lettuce could practically have rotted and they'd still be in ecstasy.  She loved buying produce for the guinea pigs.
*** If you are feeling truly decadent, throw on some warm brown sugar butterscotch sauce, too.  Why not? It's fruit.  It's good for you.  That's what my mom always told me.

Vocab Quiz

Cheesy Pennies Vocab Quiz #1

Dessert
Desert
Class
Flaky
Short 
Poach
Cloven

Two of the words on the list are homophones* of each other.   The other words are homographs**, with both negative and positive connotations.   Use each word in a sentence to demonstrate these characteristics.

Extra credit:
Illustrate your work.


Answer:
Dessert and desert are homophones.  Example sentence:   Four friends decided to take a holiday dessert course together, but three of the four friends deserted me, so the last friend went by herself.

The rest of the words are homographs.  Example sentences:

The instructor, noted pastry chef Robert Wemischner, had just begun showing the class how to properly laminate puff pastry, when Pam, who had risen from her sick bed so as not to abandon me***, walked in the door.
Pam is a class act!

When done right, homemade puff pastry is wonderfully light and flaky.
In the kitchen rolling out dough, we agreed that our flaky friends really missed out.

We learned an easy, foolproof formula for a great short crust. 
Napoleon was a short French megalomaniac.

Our friendly classmate, Lowell, kindly allowed me to poach some of his wine****.
It is sheer genius to poach pears (or any kind of fruit!) directly in rich, buttery caramel sauce.

The devil is said to have cloven hooves.
If you steep a dozen whole cloves and a vanilla bean with the liquid in your custard base, your ice cream can be cloven*****.

Next week's quiz:  Elegant synonyms for "super fattening."  Credit will be given for having edible examples for the instructor.

Robert's Cranberry Nut Tart
My favorite recipe of the night.  The crust is buttery, with a slight tang from the citrus, and is perfectly matched with the sharp flavors of cranberry and the crunchy, nutty caramel topping.  I will happily be making this again.

Crust
1 c. (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 c. sugar
1 egg
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/4 tsp. grated orange or tangerine zest
1 1/2 c.  of flour
pinch of salt

In a mixer or food processor, cream butter and sugar until light and smooth.   Add egg, vanilla, and zest, and continue to blend until combined.  Add flour and salt, and mix or pulse just until the flour disappears, about 30 seconds.   Scrape the bottom and sides to make sure you got all the flour.   Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, compressing to remove excess air.   Divide dough into two parts, cover each in plastic wrap, and flatten slightly and refrigerate until firm, about 2 hours.    Roll out to about 1/3 of an inch thickness, then line your tart pans, pressing the dough into the pans so it is evenly thick all around.   Prick the dough with a fork, then chill while you make the filling.

NOTES:  The recipe makes enough for two normal sized tarts, so you will have one extra wrapped disk of dough to use for something else.   You can keep it in the fridge for several days, or freeze for later.  You can also freeze the dough in the molds, tightly wrapped, for several weeks.   In case you didn't notice, the recipe uses a ratio of 1, 2, 3, 4.   The sugar is 1 part.  The butter is 2 parts.  The flour is 3 parts.  And the egg is one egg for every 4 oz of sugar.  

Cranberry Nut Filling
1 c. lightly toasted pecans, walnuts, and/or pistachios, chopped.
1 bag fresh cranberries, rinsed and drained.  For more textural contrast, use a combination of fresh and dried berries here.  We did!
1 stick butter
1 c. brown sugar, packed
1 c. heavy cream
2 tsp. vanilla
Generous pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 350.  Place the toasted nuts and cranberries into a heatproof (stainless steel) mixing bowl.  In a heavy saucepan, combine the butter, brown sugar and cream, and bring to a boil.  Remove from heat, add the vanilla and the salt, and pour over the cranberry nut mixture, stirring quickly but thoroughly to blend the mixture evenly.  Immediately pour the mixture into prepared tart pan and bake, on a baking sheet placed on the lowest rack of the oven, until the filling is boiling.    Remove from oven and cool to room temperature before serving.

I happen to love the cloven ice cream with this one.   But it also went very nicely with the chocolate semolina pudding, too.




* Words that sound the same, but are spelled differently.
** Words that are spelled the same, but mean entirely different things.
*** That, and she really wanted to find out about these caramel poached pears.   And she swore up and down that this idea alone was worth all the effort that it took to get out of her jammies and get into her car. 
**** I think he felt sorry for me because I had no friends at the beginning.
***** This may not be an actual word, but it is an outstanding idea, particularly when paired with the pear dessert.  Hey, look at that!  A bonus homophone!

Magnify the positive, shrink the negative and miniaturize the pecan pie

I have been trying for a while to become smaller.   Rather than taking the traditional approach of eating less, I've gone with the somewhat unconventional strategy of intermittent exercising combined with dining out, cocktails and frequent baking.    Thus far my method has not been that effective*, but it's been quite enjoyable, and I'm OK with that.  Particularly after hearing the message of the week in my kickboxing class today.

Magnified view of the tasty main ingredient

The idea was simple but perfect:  Magnify the positive, and shrink the negative.  Both are out there, but YOU decide what's important, and what you want to look for.   If you focus your attention on the good in life, in the people you meet, in  your work, in your family and friends, suddenly amazing things are everywhere.   Our teacher likened it to a google search.  You put out there that you're looking for ways to feel great, and that's what you get back.  Everything else is filtered out.  If instead you're convinced that LA is full of people who can't drive, you'll definitely run into an idiot around every corner**.   

I personally love this plan.  I've set my inner google to find delicious food, inspiring ways to exercise at least some of those calories right back off, and friends who think I look great just the way I am.   Positively brilliant.

As are desserts that come in packages small enough to enjoy without any exercise at all.

Mini Pecan Tarts

My mom first began making these many many years ago, and passed the recipe along to me***.  They are 100% guaranteed to impress the hell out of people.  Partly because they're adorable and elegant at the same time, but mostly because they taste so damn good.

3 oz. cream cheese, softened

1 stick (1/2 c.) butter, softened

1 c. minus 2 Tbs.  flour     

2 Tbs. powdered sugar

1 c. brown sugar, packed

1 beaten egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 Tbs. butter, melted

about 1/2 c. of toasted pecan pieces

Using electric mixer or beating by hand, mix cream cheese, softened butter, flour and powdered sugar together to form a soft dough.  Roll into 24 small balls, just over 1 inch in diameter.  Press into bottom and sides of 24 mini-muffin tins to form crust.  Sprinkle crushed pecans on bottom of each cup.  (At this point, you can cover and refrigerate the muffin tins for a day or so before baking if you like.)   

Preheat the oven to 350.   Whisk brown sugar, egg, vanilla and melted butter together.  Pour into muffin cups until almost full.  Sprinkle a few more pecans on top.  Bake at 350 for 25 minutes, or until crusts are golden brown.  Allow to cool in pan for 5 minutes, then remove to cool completely.  

Click to print this recipe!

NOTE:  This recipe is made infinitely easier by two pieces of special equipment.  The first is a rather phallic tool called a tart tamper that lets you push down on the ball of dough to form a perfect crust.  They are about four bucks at Amazon.  You should definitely get one if you plan to be in the mini-tart-making line of work at all.   Mine is shown in this photo making chocolate mini tart shells.

The second helpful item is a plastic squeeze bottle.  I find that if I put the filing into a squeeze bottle and drizzle it into the tins, I have almost no drippy mess to deal with.    

* The best I can say is that I am somewhat more compact (i.e. denser) lately, due to kickboxing and the taskmasters at the Pilates place near my house.   In a remarkably unpleasant way, they pervert ordinary tasty food phrases into torturous exercises with spring-weighed pulleys.  I now want nothing to do with "catfish" or "scrambled eggs."

** Which was so weird because I had literally been surrounded by a sampling of the city's worst vehicular operators on my way to this very class.    Especially the slowpoke in the beat up Corolla in front of me on Magnolia.     I'm pretty sure I wasn't looking for him, but maybe he was sending out vibes about finding someone whose day he could ruin and found me!

*** I also inherited her mini-muffin tins, which have to be at least 25 years old and still going strong.

Loose Jew comes through

An invitation came in from my crack dealer that I couldn't refuse:

"As many of you know, I am a loose Jew - definition: not very religious. I am also a hungry Jew and I absolutely love the foods of Hannukah (minus the noodle kugel.) This year I would like to celebrate the beginning of Hannukah with an early morning* Latke making party. I will be divulging my grandmother's recipe to all in a very relaxing impromptu setting."

Understated as usual, this was more than a casual lesson in the finer points of shredded potatoes. There was a delightful salad and a breathtaking pear tart, too. Not to mention great conversations and laughter with friends in a kitchen that felt like an island of warmth on a gray day in December. All in all, my one morning of Hannukah was a testament to what this holiday is all about.

As far as the food goes, I'm not normally religious either, but after one bite I would have been willing to convert for these Latkes**. The recipes for our gracious hostess' full menu are below:

Her Grandmother's Latkes

4-6 russet potatoes
1 onion
1 egg
flour
1/3 c. Health Best All Natural Vegetarian Chicken Broth powder or chicken bouillon powder***
2 tsp. salt
freshly ground black pepper
canola oil, for frying

Grate potatoes and the onion. A food processor makes this go really quickly. Transfer to a plain kitchen towel or a large portion of cheesecloth, wrap up, and squeeze like crazy to get all the liquid out. Take your time and make sure the mixture is completely dry before you move on.

Crack the egg into a large mixing bowl and stir with a fork to blend lightly. Add the potato/onion mix, 2 Tbs. of flour, the chicken broth powder, salt and pepper. Mix by hand until well combined, adding flour as you go to keep the mixture from getting too moist.

Heat up a non-stick frying pan, and add enough canola oil so you have a thin layer covering the bottom. Form potato mixture into thin patties, about 2 1/2 inches across and 1/3 of an inch thick (any thicker and the middles won't cook through).

When oil is hot, add patties and cook about 5 minutes per side, or until deep golden brown. Taste one after frying your first batch to make sure you like the seasonings. Continue to fry in batches, keeping completed latkes warm, uncovered, in a 200 degree oven if they are not getting eaten up immediately.

Serve with homemade applesauce and horseradish creme fraiche.

Homemade Applesauce

5 Gala or other tart-sweet apples, peeled, cored, and coarsely chopped
1/3 c. sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
1/3 c. apple cider

Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan. Simmer over low/medium heat for 1/2 hour. Lightly mash, so it's applesauce-y but still chunky, then continue cooking until most liquid has evaporated. Remove cinnamon sticks and serve.

Horseradish Creme Fraiche

Creme fraiche
A few tsp. of horseradish

Put creme fraiche into a small bowl. Stir in horseradish, a teaspoon at a time, tasting as you go until it is just right.



Noa's Caesar Salad Dressing

All measurements are approximate, so trust your taste buds!

1 clove of garlic, chopped
1 Tbs. Dijon mustard
1 1/2 to 2 tsp. anchovy paste
juice of 1/2 to 1 lemon
1 Tbs. Banyuls vinegar, Brags apple cider vinegar, or a champagne vinegar
1/2 c. mayonnaise
1/2 c. olive oil
Salt and fresh pepper to taste
Chopped fresh basil or Italian parsley, optional (this will make a green goddess dressing)

Using mini food processor, chop the garlic a little more, then add remaining ingredients and blend well. Taste and adjust seasonings. Serve over arugula with shaved Parmesan, or crisp Romaine lettuce with garlic croutons...it's good on anything!

Ina's Pear Tart

1 sheet of frozen puff pastry, defrosted but still well chilled
6-8 pears, peeled and thinly sliced
1/2 c. sugar
1/4 c. (1/2 stick) butter, diced

Preheat oven to 400. Roll out puff pastry, and lightly dust with flour. Cover baking sheet with parchment paper, then transfer puff pastry to the sheet. Arrange pear slices on top, leaving a border of pastry all around. Sprinkle the sugar over the pears, then dot with the butter dice. Bake for about 1 hour, until edges are puffed and golden brown.


If you like, make an apricot glaze:

1/3 c. apricot jam
1-2 Tbs. Calvados, other yummy liquor of your choice, or water

Stir together in small saucepan over low heat until smooth and slightly warm. Brush gently over the tart when it comes out of the oven. Allow tart to cool just a bit. Dust with powdered sugar just before serving.


* I love this woman because, like me, her definition of early morning is 9:30.
** Although I would have been tossed back out when I was caught in my car on the way home singing along to Peggy Lee's definitive version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" at the top of my lungs.
*** These usually have MSG, so the veggie stuff is better if you can find it. If you use the chicken version, start with 1/4 c. and add more as needed.

When life gives you lemons

The dessert menu arrives. An apparently harmonious party of dining companions suddenly splits, decisively, into three distinct camps: The chocolate people, the vanilla people, and the fruit people. A smart restaurant will, of course, have a way to satisfy all three, hence the now standard after-dinner choices:

Flourless Chocolate Cake (camp chocolate)
Brownie sundae with hot fudge sauce (ditto)
Creme Brulee (camp vanilla)
Cheesecake (ditto)
Fresh Berry Crisp (camp fruit)
Lemon Tart (ditto)
Apple Pie (ditto)
Ice creams (chocolate, vanilla, fruit sorbets, something for everyone)

I am most definitely in Camp Fruit*, with brief forays into Camp Vanilla if caramelized sugar is involved. I also believe strongly that Camp Fruit can co-exist with Camp Vanilla when ice cream, vanilla sauce, or fresh whipped cream is attached to the fruit item, particularly if said fruit item is nice and warm, and the vanilla part starts to slowly melt and...

I digress. My point is, I've seen a lot of dessert menus in my time, and therefor I've had a lot of lemon tarts in my life. Having just put down my fork, I can now say with some authority and experience that I have just had one of the all-time great lemon tarts. Unbelievably good. As in RIDICULOUS. So when life gives you lemons, or even if you have to run out to the store and pick some up, make this Lemon Tart.

Adapted in part from Tartine, a great book for baking.

Two, Four, Six, Eight...

Who do we appreciate! Teachers! Teachers!
Yaaaaaay, teachers!
Surprisingly, when we parents offered to don outfits with kicky little skirts and take up our pom poms, these wise educators opted instead for a lunch of homemade goodies. Yay, teachers!*

Given the spread they got today, it's no wonder these folks put up with our kids so cheerfully all year. Luckily, you don't have to spend thousands of hours with my daughter to have your reward. Enjoy!