I have truly matured*.
First, there was the KCRW pie contest. A living testament to my new-found ability to apply logic and civility to my everyday life.
And then, there was the school auction. In the past, my behavior during these charity events could most accurately be described as "bid-happy mania", or "early-onset competitive buying frenzy." I'm sure they have some kind of clinical definition for the condition, but it is irrelevant, because that was the OLD me. The NEW me is all about pure, cool-headed, bang-for-the-buck bargain hunting. No more mad buying rushes or impulsive insanity. Just calm, adult browsing for things that are truly missing from my life. I even invented a handy acronym:
NBS = Need-Based Shopping
NBS is my new mantra.
NBS is my new calling.
NBS totally works.
For example, at this year's auction, I bought the following items:
1. Mah Jong and margaritas on the beach in Malibu
2. Texas Hold 'Em lessons, including cocktails and a full BBQ dinner**
3. A cooking class on how to make a traditional English Afternoon Tea***
I think we can all agree that these clearly fall under the category of "household staples". Yes?
Perfect. Because that's the way I (maturely and logically) entered the costs into Quicken.
A Really Inspired Kitchen - The Sequel
Considering how much I learned in this class, I could also have entered this item under "educational expenses." For instance, I learned that this very British tradition came about because of the hunger pangs experienced by Queen Victoria's royal tummy in the olden days. And a fine tradition it is. Per our lesson plan:
Inviting!
First, there was the KCRW pie contest. A living testament to my new-found ability to apply logic and civility to my everyday life.
And then, there was the school auction. In the past, my behavior during these charity events could most accurately be described as "bid-happy mania", or "early-onset competitive buying frenzy." I'm sure they have some kind of clinical definition for the condition, but it is irrelevant, because that was the OLD me. The NEW me is all about pure, cool-headed, bang-for-the-buck bargain hunting. No more mad buying rushes or impulsive insanity. Just calm, adult browsing for things that are truly missing from my life. I even invented a handy acronym:
NBS = Need-Based Shopping
NBS is my new mantra.
NBS is my new calling.
NBS totally works.
For example, at this year's auction, I bought the following items:
1. Mah Jong and margaritas on the beach in Malibu
2. Texas Hold 'Em lessons, including cocktails and a full BBQ dinner**
3. A cooking class on how to make a traditional English Afternoon Tea***
I think we can all agree that these clearly fall under the category of "household staples". Yes?
Perfect. Because that's the way I (maturely and logically) entered the costs into Quicken.
A Really Inspired Kitchen - The Sequel
Considering how much I learned in this class, I could also have entered this item under "educational expenses." For instance, I learned that this very British tradition came about because of the hunger pangs experienced by Queen Victoria's royal tummy in the olden days. And a fine tradition it is. Per our lesson plan:
"A proper English Afternoon Tea is so inviting to both men and women. A little relaxation in the afternoon, a time to socialize a bit, and a lovely snack with the pick-me-up of caffeine. "
Inviting!
"For a lovely starter...quarter some strawberries, sprinkle lightly with sugar, add a little lemon juice and a little grated lemon rind, and allow the berries to macerate in the refrigerator. Serve with a dollop of creme fraiche or sour cream, and a little champagne!"
Lovely starter!
"The items in our menu are developed exclusively for teas. They would not make good hors d'oevres for a cocktail party because a "tea" savory item is milder, and not meant to be served with liquor.**** Tea sandwiches differ from other sandwiches in that they must be extremely thin, almost transparent."
Cucumber with Herb Cheese & Butter
Curried Shrimp Salad
Pate a Choux with Gravlax and Dill Sauce
Delicate sandwiches that are not appropriate for cocktail parties? Check! I have to say, we are doing very well in this class so far.
"As for the sweets, they too are best suited for teas than for dinner desserts. Our sweets are lighter, less goopy, and easy to handle."
Swiss Roll
Treacle Tart
Un-gloopy desserts. Yes, ma'am! We are good with these.
And of course, current scones.
"The perfect accompaniments to tea."
The tea was hot and strong, the table was set with china and silver, and we were, like her royal highness, experiencing great pangs of hunger. In a most civilized manner, we lifted our little pinkies, and ate like queens!
Practical, level-headed queens, of course.
