The Marvelous Misadventures of the Fabulous Baker Girls

Plot Summary:

Scene 1:  Our three heroines decide to enter a local pie contest on a whim, mostly because the pushy one* coerces the other two into it. 

Pushy One (to sister):  You definitely need to enter!   Should I sign you up for your cherry pie??? (YES!!!!)
Sister of Pushy One:  I don't know...
PO:  Your pie rocks.  I signed you up!
[There is no return email.  Cut.]

PO (to Innocent Neighbor):  Hopefully you entered today!!!!  We will drop your pie off for you, no problem!
IN: I did... and thank you for that drop off offer!
[cue ominous music, foreshadowing that there may, in fact, be a problem...]

Scene 2:   All of them feign disinterest in winning, but are found at the wee hours of the night rolling out crusts and baking tester pies.  Their puzzled yet grateful families provide a series of witty, humorous one-liners as part of the video montage of quick cuts, set to upbeat soundtrack, possibly by Dolly Parton or Ke$ha.

Quick Cut 1: SOPO provides sample pie for potluck dinner attended by PO.   Crowd is unimpressed, citing "slightly gummy" texture of filling, aversion to almond meal in crust and too-crunchy streusel.  PO steps away from party to immediately break bad news furtively on cell phone.  SOPO curses the day she was born, then immediately phones distant husband, waking him, to request that he unearth tattered recipe and read ingredients for crumble topping over the phone.  We see her measuring flour as we fade to...

Quick Cut 2:  PO attempting crust method espoused on helpful how-to-video that has worked beautifully for SOPO.   Steals tiny spray bottle from niece's American Girl collection, fills with apple juice concoction, then spritzes.   Parchment paper crackles in background as we see soggy crust after soggy crust being dumped into the trash.  Close up of fingernails caked with dough as we fade to...

Quick Cut 3:  IN posting frantically on Facebook,  "Does anyone have a really good coconut cream pie recipe?"  and then "Failed miserably at a coconut cream pie attempt... I seem to be getting worse at this baking thing, not better..." and then "As in "Tin Cup," I am just going to keep making coconut cream pies until I get it just right..." Finally we see her pull out a recipe for Lemon Meringue Pie instead.  Pan away to see companionable wise cat with knowing look on its face.

Scene 3:  The day of the event finally arrives.  It is nearly 100 degrees outside, yet both ovens have been on for nearly 24 hours.  In wacky non-sequitur, PO has whipped up a batch of peanut butter cookies.  Everyone is sweating, but not in a gross way.   IN brings two gorgeous pies in the door.  Oohs and ahhs all around.  The mood is edgy yet jubilant for our three bakers.  Family has vacated the premises. [Possible shot of dog with nose buried between paws here for effect]  

PO and SOPO begin carrying pies (and incongruous container of cookies) out to car carefully.   They belt in the apple pie, and settle box with lemon and cherry pies securely.  PO is walking around to place IN's incredibly beautiful, still warm, nutmeg-laced sure-to-be-a-winner lattice-topped peach pie on seat when she slips.   Super slo mo shot of pie twirling in the air as PO's face becomes a mask of horror in background.   Pie lands upside down with resounding splat.  [Extra foley work here to enhance the tragedy].  PO begins to scream expletives uncontrollably.  SOPO runs out like an avenging Ninja brandishing three different spatulas, a roll of paper towels, and plastic wrap.   Together the sisters gather the scraps back into the dish, but the pie is clearly a goner.  They weep a little, then go into crisis management mode.

SOPO:  I have some extra crust.  We could use that.
PO:  What?  There's NO TIME! Even if we could quickly form a matching lattice, bake it and somehow invisibly attach it to the existing pie, we'd miss the delivery deadline.
SOPO:  Damn!  You're right.  What if we just sprinkled it with powdered sugar?  That's saved my butt loads of times.  It's worth a try, right?
PO:  [inspirational look to the sky, asking forgiveness and pleading for a miracle at the same time]. It sure is.  Get the shaker!

Scene 4:  The two culprits, along with adorable niece in booster seat, pull into the parking lot to drop off the entries.  Adorable niece provides huge cuteness quotient by telling team of pie-receiving volunteers that "my Auntie Shar's pie is going to win, but she wants my mommy's pie to win." Everyone smiles indulgently, and a festive, welcoming atmosphere prevails among the hopefuls.  

Check in proceeds.  We see a pen scratching out "Sour Cream Apple Walnut Pie" on one card and then, as camera backs away to reveal the wreckage, "Free Form Peach Pie" on another.   

Scene 5:  PO, having left rambling confessional message on IN's phone, approaches the entrance to the contest site fearfully.   IN's kind, lovely face lights up.  Clearly, she has not listened to her voice mail.  PO and SOPO abjectly tell the tale.  Instead of lashing out in fury, IN instead reproaches herself for even allowing the pie to leave her own custody for a moment.    The three embrace warmly and say they will definitely have a good laugh about this. Someday.  In the future.  [potential sequel?]

Scene 6:  The Fabulous Baker Girls enter a vast tent.  There are long tables laden with 122 different pies.   Other entrants are scoping out the competition.   Some are in jeans.  Several wear vintage aprons.  A few are in stilettos.    Evan Kleiman, the hostess, is greeting the crowd of bakers, supporters, and hungry onlookers as they pour in.  Our three intrepid girls begin to mentally prepare to "plate their pie for the judges*",  an ordeal cited from participants in the first year's contest as "nerve wracking".   Each has stashed proven serving utensils in their purse.  Each is therefore shocked to discover a large wedge has gone missing from their pies.  And not just entries 56, 57, 58 and 59.  Every single pie has been...

...attacked. [Cue sharp, harsh chords from string section]

PO (accosting passing person from KCRW):  Um, excuse me!  What happened to the pies?
Passing Person from KCRW: Well, the judges already ate some pie up in the hotel room.
PO (now PO'd): WHAT?!?
PPFKCRW:  They did a little, um, pre-judging.  
SOPO:  No plating?  What about the plating?  I was practicing the plating!  I'm ready for the plating!

IN enters, sees that her impeccable lemon curd is now lemon soup with some meringue islands floating in it, looks up helplessly, reeling from yet another body blow as her back-up pie is now in ruins.

IN: Refrigerator?  Wasn't there supposed to be a refrigerator?
PPFKCRW:  I wasn't in charge of that part.  I have to go now.
PO, SOPO, IN (in unison):  But...wait!

Suddenly, there is a flurry of activity at the judging stand.   Evan's voice booms over the throng, announcing the finalists in each category.   The camera pulls in close on three hopeful, exhausted faces as their numbers are not among the chosen few.   The Fabulous Baker Girls have been shut out. 
[cue heart-tugging piano solo as they turn to each other in sorrow]

EK:  And now, I have a bonus category that I added this year.  Best Crust!   The finalists in this category are...42! 114! and...58!

Their eyes widen.  Fists are raised in the air.  Whoops of joy explode simultaneously!  Expressions of elation and disbelief alternate on their faces...because pie #58 is none other than...

...the FREE FORM PEACH PIE!!!   

IN raises the misshapen, crippled thing high in the air and walks triumphantly to the winners table.  PO and SOPO are jumping up and down and hugging each other, overwhelmed with the feeling of redemption and relief.

A moment later, IN comes back, pie in hand.  
IN:  It was crust number 28.  28.  Not 58.  I mean really.  What were we thinking?


Scene 7 (Credit roll sequence):   The Still-Fabulous Non-Award-Winning Baker Girls are cheerfully passing out samples of their pies to a mob of people queued up for free dessert.   There is a gratifying line for tastes of everything, including several who are specifically anxious to get some of that Free Form Peach Pie.    Compliments fly in.

Man back for seconds (to IN):  What's in this peach pie?  The flavor's terrific.
Texture-insensitive lady:  Can I have a piece of the lemon meringue?   I love a good lemon meringue pie.  Don't worry, I can sip it.  No problem.
Guy with beard (to PO):  That's good pie.  Really good pie. 
Woman in shorts (to SOPO):  The topping is amazing. And are those fresh cherries?  Incredible!

IN is seen happily sampling all of the other pies, and chasing down the maker of the key lime meringue pie (entry 54) for her business card***.

Our heroines clear away their now-empty pie plates and congratulate each other, and their fellow contestants, on a job well done.

Bonus Scene (post credits):  

SOPO:  Hey, I got a piece of the winning fruit pie.
PO:  Oh yeah?  How is it?
SOPO:  We totally should have won.  This tastes like prunes.
They grin at each other and walk slowly down the ramp.


Fade out.

For more about the contest, check out these links:
The recipe for the "Best in Show" Meat Pie
A compendium of photos from KCRW's blog
Other stories about this - here, here, here and here.


My Sour Cream Apple Walnut Pie
Crust:

1 3/4 c. unbleached all purpose flour
1/4 c. sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. plus 2 Tbs. (1 1/4 sticks) butter, frozen
1/4 c. cold apple cider mixed with 1 tsp. apple cider vinegar

Combine flour, sugar, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl.   Grate frozen butter into the flour mixture, tossing gently with a fork to create coarse crumbs.  Add the liquids and continue to toss until evenly moistened.  Gather gently into a ball.  Transfer to a lightly floured surface (or put between two pieces of parchment paper) and roll out into a circle an inch or two wider than a 10 inch pie plate.   Transfer to pie dish, turning edges under to create a nice edge.   Put into the fridge and move on.

Filling:
1 2/3 c. sour cream
1 c. sugar
1/3 c. unbleached all purpose flour
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
5 large Pink Lady apples, peeled, cored, and thinly sliced

Pre heat oven to 400.  In a large bowl, whisk together everything except apples to create a thick custard.   Stir in apples.  Pour into prepared pie crust.   Bake for 15 minutes.   While baking, prepare topping.


Topping:
1 c. unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 c. firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 c. sugar
1 Tbs. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 c. almond paste
2/3 c. cold butter, cut into pieces
1 c. good walnuts

In a food processor, combine dry ingredients.   Add almond paste and butter, pulsing until you have a mix with the consistency of cookie dough.   Pulse in nuts just until they are roughly chopped but still noticeable.  

Remove pie from oven, and reduce temperature to 325.  Crumble topping all over the pie.   Return to oven.  Bake for 30 minutes.  Remove pie from oven, reduce temperature to 300.   If crust and topping are brown (they should be), cover pie loosely with aluminum foil.   Return to oven for 15 more minutes.   Allow to cool for at least 30 minutes before serving.  

My Sister’s Fresh Cherry Pie

Buy a cherry pitter

Find a good farmer’s market and buy 7 cups of fresh sweet cherries – depending on size of cherries could be 2 – 2.5 lbs. Buy extra because if you are like us, you pit one, you eat one!

Crust:

Use your favorite recipe or buy frozen pie crust from Trader Joe’s

I like using a ratio of 1 part cake flour to 1 part regular flour, and a combo of 1 part butter to 2 parts shortening, with 1 tsp of grated lemon zest and 2 TBSP sugar added per crust you are making.  An additional option is to use Amaretto liqueur as the liquid for the dough.  I froze ½ cup of Amaretto until it was like slush (overnight) and then added 2 TBSP of ice water to it.  I then added this liquid to the dry crust mix, 2 TBSP at a time until just moistened (you will have extra).  I chill the dough for at least an hour and then roll it out and put into pie plate and prick bottom with a fork several times.  Chill crust (in plate) again for another hour or up to a day then par bake.  If you are using premade crust, I still recommend par baking it for this pie.

For me, par bake means placing pie weights (or dried beans or rice) generously into pie plate and bake crust at 400-degrees for 10 minutes, then remove the weights and bake for another 6-8 minutes or until light brown.  Let crust cool for at least 10-15 minutes and then brush with egg white to seal crust before filling.

Filling:

7 cups fresh cherries, halved and pitted (I used a 9 inch pie plate – I like a lot of cherries, and they will bake down)

Juice from 1 large lemon (add less if cherries are tart, add more if lemons are small)

¾ cup sugar (add more if cherries are tart)

2 TBSP minute tapioca (if cherries are really juicy you may need to add a little more, can substitute equal part cornstarch OR 1/3 cup flour)

¼ tsp almond extract

¼ tsp salt

Combine filling ingredients and let sit for 30 minutes, stirring several times.  This time will soften the tapioca so you don’t get little white pieces in the filling.  After this wait time, taste cherries and add sugar and/or lemon juice and possibly a little salt to taste. 

Crumb topping (can increase recipe proportions if you really like topping!):

1 cup flour

½ cup dark brown sugar

½ cup butter, room temperature

½ tsp cinnamon

¼ tsp salt

2 TBSP almond paste (optional but very tasty!)

Put in food processor and mix until thick, grainy paste/dough.  Fill par baked (and egg white brushed) pie crust with cherry filling, cover entire pie lightly with foil and bake at 400-degrees for 20 minutes. Be sure to put a baking sheet under pie plate because juice from these types of pies will spill over.   Take pie out of oven and add crumb topping by breaking dough into pea-sized bits and covering pie generously and LIGHTLY packing it down.  Put foil cover back over entire pie and bake at 350-degrees for 1 hour.  If pie had not browned to your satisfaction, remove foil for last 5 – 10 minutes of bake time.

Let pie sit for at least 3 hours before serving.  Enjoy!

FG4's Peach Pie
"I just cut up the fruit (necta-peaches in this case) and toss it with some sugar and flour and lemon juice.   Oh, and I added some nutmeg.  And bits of butter.  That's it."   She used Ina Garten's recipe for the Lemon Meringue entry.

* She's the Lucy, but is shaped like the Ethel.
** The judges, none of whom we met or got to see eat our pies, were:
Jonathan Gold (Pulitzer Prize-winning food writer for the LA Weekly)
Roxanna Jullapat (Pastry Chef at Ammo Cafe)
Zoe Nathan (Chef / Owner of Huckleberry Cafe)
Akasha Richmond (Chef / Owner of Akasha)
Karen Hatfield (Pastry Chef at Hatfield’s)
Eric Greenspan (The Foundry on Melrose)
Christine Moore (Little Flower Candy Company)
Sang Yoon (Father’s Office)
*** It turns out that she owned a real live bakery.  As did several other contestants.  Lots of these proessionals didn't win either, so we felt better.

You're only as old as you feel

My mom has been on a bit of a hiatus from these posts because she's decided to be elderly.

To stay in, do crosswords, and watch TV.   To give up walks to the mall or the movies.   To clip coupons and circle the weekly specials in the newspaper, then hand the bargain hunting off for someone else to do the actual shopping.   To give up coming over to my house and just dictate ideas for bizarre afterschool snacks by phone.   To nap.  To be frail.  To sigh and go very slowly.  To take breaks in between.   To turn in early.

Being elderly, after all, is so much better than being sick.  So she's going with elderly.  

And I'm going insane. 

The Lemonade Hike

It is a rite of passage at camp.   Described falsely at the front desk as "a moderate 2 mile hike" and accurately elsewhere as strenuous and steep*, it starts out almost quaintly with a hidden little trail post behind a tiny woodland church just off the shore of Fallen Leaf Lake.    As you pass quickly through ferns and lush trees, chatting amiably with your companions at how nice it is to be out of the city and away from it all in nature, the greenery suddenly drops away and you find yourself clambering up shale and slippery rock switchbacks in full sun.

Hike to Angora Lake at EveryTrail



Breathing becomes labored, despite weekly kickboxing sessions, and pleasantries go by the wayside.  Another switchback.  No shade.  Still climbing.  Man, this sucks.   Pant.  Pant.  Turn sharply.  Climb.  Wipe brow copiously.  Steal sidelong glances at companions to make sure everyone else is just as miserable.   Cover exhaustion quickly with call to admire view of the lake way below you, sparkling in the relentless sun.  Turn. Climb. Pant.  Now want nothing more than to reach shade of giant boulders and scrub pine far above.   Regret bacon omelet.  Reach shady part.  Rejoice fleetingly, as switchbacks continue unabated.   Recall too late that you are heading for Angora Ridge, and that the word "ridge" is rarely applied to gently accessible hilltops.  Another great photo op seems to be in order.   Pant.

Eventually, blessedly, the path levels out, trees thicken about you and a breeze springs up.   The crowd is once again conversational, almost jubilant with the achievement of gaining 1000 feet of elevation in about a mile and a half.   You are super hiking ex-suburbanites.   In fact, "mountaineers" might not be putting too fine a point on it.   Your steps are cushioned by a layer of pine needles and soft earth, comfy and cool.   The path curves, and abruptly opens out to reveal...

A parking lot.  A bathroom.  Toddlers with inflatable rings around their middles.   Dogs on leashes.  Couples with coolers, beach chairs and picnic baskets.    Something between blind rage and dejection brings tears to your eyes.

"People drove here?  Are you KIDDING me?"

One of the many signs of civilization you will see in the parking lot.  Probably the only U.S. Forest Service sign in the country to utilize the international symbol for lemonade. 

You cross the asphalt, joining the stream of families heading up the gently sloped sandy trail, feeling a bit ridiculous in your dust coated socks and perspiration-stained clothes.

But it hardly matters anymore...the switchbacks, the heat stroke, the oxygen deprivation all behind you now.   Just ahead is a gorgeous, deep blue alpine lake beneath a granite mountain peak.  A sandy beach with a few scattered cabins dotting the shore.   And a shingled wooden hut with a swinging screen door where a cheerful older couple greets newcomers with a smile.

"Oh, my!  Looks like you had a long hike.  Good for you.  So, will you be having a glass or a pitcher today, folks?"

A pitcher please!

The Famous Angora Lakes Lemonade

Sugar
Plenty of fresh mountain spring water
Lemons
Ice

Boil equal parts water and sugar together for 5 minutes in a small saucepan, remove from heat, and allow to cool completely.  This makes a simple syrup that can be used to sweeten drinks of all kinds.  Feel free to make ahead and keep a supply on hand in the fridge.  When someone wants lemonade, squeeze the lemons right then.    Strain, then combine lemon juice, simple syrup, and ice cold spring water.     The proportions will vary based on the number of servings you're making, the flavor of today's lemons, and your personal taste, but when you get the mix right, it will be the best, most refreshing drink you've had in a long time***.

To enjoy fully, drink when completely wiped out and elated at the same time, preferably at a lakeside table outdoors on a crystal clear day. 

* I quote: "Clark Trail. Strenuous. Elevation 6420' / 7470'  For the more adventurous, this strenuous hike can provide some solitude. Traversing through loose shale up a steep grade, the trail ends at Angora Lakes."   The trail is also next to last on a list of South Lake hikes "in order of difficulty."
** This year, I confess, we drove the kids up on our way out of camp.   Mother nature was not happy that we cheated, and made it snow just as we got out of the car.   In August.  We still drank every last drop of lemonade.

*** When we asked for the recipe, the Angora lady was kind enough to share their process with us, but she did insist that the real secret is the alpine water.   Unless you get your water from 7500 feet above sea level, results may vary.

Note: Image with view of Fallen Leaf Lake from this website.

Challah Back, Camelback Girl

Family camp in the Sierras.   A glorious day on the lake.   Toddlers are crawdad fishing on the dock.  The annual Yahoo vs. Midoree Capture the Flag grudge match, complete with war paint, is in full swing.   Hikers are heading out in groups, poles and packs at the ready.   Paddleboats and kayaks are bobbing about.  The tennis crew is warming up on the courts.   A few folks are reading the paper on the deck under the enormous fir trees.

Invigorated by the mountain air and hearty breakfast, we check out the list of available activities:

Waterskiing
Arts and crafts
Sailing lessons
Staff vs. Guest volleyball
Kids talent show
Nature walk
Challah making

Challah making?

Challah making.   The best thing to hit camp since wi-fi, yoga and the wine steward.

Sierra Camp Challah

Alisa, the wonderful counselor who put the event together, made all the dough by hand two days before we started braiding.   The recipe she gave us comes from The Children's Jewish Holiday Kitchen, by Joan Nathan.

Makes 3-4 loaves

2 scant Tbs. or 2 envelope active dry yeast
1 1/2 c. warm water
1 tsp. sugar
4 eggs
1/2 c. honey
1/2 c. vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp. salt
9 c. flour
2 c. raisins, optional
sesame or poppy seeds

In a small bowl, stir together the yeast, 1 c. of warm water, and the sugar.  Set aside for 10 minutes until bubbling.   In a separate bowl, beat 3 of the eggs with the honey.  Add the remaining 1/2 c. warm water, oil, and salt.  Add the yeast mixture, beating well with a spoon.   Using 5 c. of the flour, add 1 c. at a time to your mixture, beating well with a wooden spoon after each addition.  The dough will be sticky.   If you are using raisins, add them now.    Add two more cups of flour, beating well with a wooden spoon until the dough leaves the sides of the bowl.

Shake an additional 2 c. of flour onto a smooth work surface.   Turn out the dough and knead until almost all of the flour has been absorbed into it.   Return it to the bowl, cover with a towel, and let rise for about two hours, until doubled in size.    Punch down.  [NOTE:  I think you can refrigerate the dough at this point if you like]

Divide the dough into three or four equal parts, and divide each part into three again for braiding.  Roll the dough into long ropes.  Braid three parts together, as you would hair.   Press down the ends.    You can leave the loaf long, or push the ends into a circle.  Place the loaves on parchment paper covered baking sheets, cover with a towel, and let rise about 30 minutes more, until almost doubled in size again.

Preheat the oven to 350.   Brush the loaves with the remaining egg mixed with a little water.   If you like, press sesame and/or poppy seeds onto the bread.   Bake for 25 minutes, until golden.

The Best Post I've Ever Written About An Appliance

I try to be sparing with hyperbole here* in an effort to set a good example for my son, who has a habit of spewing superlatives on a LIFO basis.   Case in point:   he bestowed the title of "Best movie I've Ever Seen in My Life" serially on Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and The Other Guys within the space of a couple of weeks** this summer.

But I am sincere when I say...this is The Greatest Kitchen Appliance I've Ever Owned in My Life***. 

It has a mini freezer RIGHT IN THE MACHINE!!! GENIUS!

To understand why we adore this glossy gray miracle (also known as the Delonghi GM6000 gelato maker), consider the following scenarios.

BEFORE:

My son:  Mom, can we make ice cream for dessert tonight?
Me:  Um, I don't think I put the tub thing-y in the freezer.  Can someone check?
My daughter:  Me! Me!  I'll check!
My son:  No, I'll do it.  The ice cream was my idea.

Break for scuffle.   Frozen chicken parts litter the floor as they battle and dig through old Tupperware full of chili, assorted pie crusts, last summer's popsicles, and perfectly good Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

My son:  It's not in here!
Me:  OK.  Well, we'll just put it in now.
Them:  Mom!  It has to freeze for like, FIVE DAYS!
Me: Quit exaggerating.  It's a terrible habit.
Them:  MOM!
Me:  Honestly.  It only has to freeze overnight.  We can make ice cream for dessert tomorrow.
Them:  [glaring at me pointedly]  Hand over the Ben & Jerry's.

A day passes.  I prepare the custard and put it in the fridge.  The entire family is primed and ready for the bliss of homemade vanilla bean ice cream.  We set up the machine****

My son: [who has won round two of the scuffle over the tub thing-y and emerges triumphantly with it from the netherworld of our freezer] Um, this doesn't seem very cold.  Are you sure overnight was long enough? I thought it was supposed to be, like, icy.
Me:  It's colder than it was yesterday.
Them:  MOM!
Me:  Let's just try it and see what happens.

Three hours later (approximately two days after the first request), we have slightly cool, runny custard in the machine and more Ben & Jerry's for dessert.***** 

AFTER:

Me: [During dinner] Hey, kids!  Who wants ice cream for dessert tonight?
Them:  [Looking up at me angelically and speaking politely in perfect unison] We do, Mother!  Oh, that would be lovely!
Me: Well, say no more.

I plug in The Greatest Kitchen Appliance I've Ever Owned in My Life.   No one goes to the freezer.  And 30 minutes later, we have The World's Most Delicious Vanilla Ice Cream for dessert.  With a side of Incomparable Strawberry Sorbet.

The World's Most Delicious Vanilla Ice Cream
If you think I'm going overboard with the adjectives on this one, try it for yourself and see.  Recipe adapted from The Farmhouse Cookbook, by Susan Herrmann Lewis.

2 1/2 c. heavy whipping cream
1 1/2 c. half and half
2/3 c. sugar
1 vanilla bean
5 large egg yolks
1 tsp. vanilla extract

In a medium saucepan, combine cream, half and half and sugar.   Split vanilla bean, and scrape seeds into the cream mixture, then drop in the split bean.   Heat over medium high heat just until tiny bubbles begin to appear at the edge.  Immediately remove from the heat and set aside to steep for 20-30 minutes.   Strain the mixture, but reserve the vanilla bean.  In a large bowl, whisk egg yolks together until light yellow.    Slowly pour in the warm cream mixture, whisking constantly.   Add the vanilla extract.

When completely combined, return the mixture to the saucepan, pop the vanilla bean back in and cook over medium heat until slightly thickened, about 6-8 minutes.   It won't get really thick, but should be cooked enough to coat the back of a spoon and leave a track when you run a finger through it.    Pour into a bowl or a pitcher, cool to room temperature, then refrigerate until cold.  Take out the vanilla bean.  Freeze according to your machine's directions******. Serve immediately. 

Incomparable Strawberry Sorbet
Adapted from David Lebovitz's The Perfect Scoop, which I presciently ordered along with The Greatest Kitchen Appliance I've Ever Owned in My Life.

About a pound of the juiciest, sweetest strawberries you can find, rinsed and tops removed
3/4 c. sugar
2-3 tsp. of freshly squeezed lemon juice
pinch of salt

Slice the strawberries and combine them with the sugar in a medium bowl, stirring until the sugar begins to dissolve.

Let stand for about an hour, stirring every once in a while.   Puree the strawberries with their liquid, the lemon juice and the salt in a blender or food processor until smooth.   Strain to remove the seeds.   Chill thoroughly, then freeze according to your ice cream maker's directions******.

Oh yeah!

NOTE:  Today's post is dedicated to my friend, Darryl, The Planet's Most Gifted Ice Cream Creator*******.   Thanks, Darryl, for letting me in on this marvelous piece of dessert technology.

* Man, that is the biggest lie I've ever told in my life!
** These toppled the prior winner: Sherlock Holmes, heir to the throne after Iron Man.  When pressed to take a breath before speaking, however, he will concede my point that, in fact, nothing even comes close to Toy Story 3.
*** Except for my Kitchen Aid stand mixer and my Cuisinart food processor.   And I'm not just saying this because the ice cream machine arrived in the mail just the other day.  Unlike my son, I distribute superlatives based on the FIFO (Frequency In Full Operation) method.   
**** A decent Krups that was, when functional, about my 27th most useful kitchen appliance.
***** Krups machine now demoted to bottom of the useful appliance list on the basis of being f*#@%ing broken.  
****** Just to reiterate, my machine's directions are:  Plug in.  Go away.  Come back in 1/2 an hour.   Wow!
******* Sour cream ice cream with port-infused cherries.  Nuff said.